We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
