...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
