i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
