remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
