He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
