so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
