he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize