Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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