I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
