Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
