I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize