So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
