Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
