you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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