What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
