Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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