nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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