Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
