A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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