All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
