i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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