ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
