The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
