and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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