Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
