so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
