So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
