you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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