just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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