i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
