Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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