last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
