He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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