I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
