Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
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It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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