Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.

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(904): View more from Florida

I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.

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(206): View more from Washington

In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone

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(541): View more from Oregon

Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.

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(765): View more from Indiana

On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.

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(544): View more from

I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.

Fav 10 2016 1047
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(609): View more from New Jersey

Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?

(1-901): View more from Tennessee

Is it just clogged or something?

(901): View more from Tennessee

No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.

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