Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
