I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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