Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You took a bar mat shot.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
