he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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