She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
