whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
