I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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