Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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