i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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