I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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