I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
