Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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