So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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