I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
