Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
