The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
