If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
