I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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