where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize