Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
