highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My life is pants optional.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
