It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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