JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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