Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
