You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
