When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
