im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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